but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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