I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
