i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
