It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
