just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I AM VODKA MAN
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
