I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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