You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
