someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
