planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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