Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
