it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
