can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
