It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will pee on everything he values.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
