I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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