sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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