Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
