kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
FUCK WHALES
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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