I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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