i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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