Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
