last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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