My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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