Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
