So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
