I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
