I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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