It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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