Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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