My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
