I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
even my farts smell like vagina
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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