i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
