What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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