I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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