I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
