his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
