Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
