Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
