It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she peed on how many people?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
