Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
