you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
