I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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