How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
