I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
