i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
