Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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