so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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