Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
