You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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