I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
