The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just puked most of my soul out..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
