It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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