tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
