He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...