Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing