I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
