I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!