And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
