They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
