with your own penis?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
