The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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