I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
