half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
