Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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