i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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