i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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