hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
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I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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