3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize