she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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