you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
