my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's the barista slut.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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