if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
