Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
