after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
