We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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