I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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