I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
