i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
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She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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