Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
