So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
