Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
