I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
