I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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